Friday, February 22, 2008
Assalamualaikum

Wow! Today is the 22nd of Feb. And the last time i updated my blog was? on nov the fifth???

Soooo long.

Dah berhabok gaknye aku nye blog nih.

Ok. Catch up with times lah k.

Now. Im rotting at home. Basically lying around, doing nothing at all. Specifically just watching the tv, boring my eyes into books n the internet, n magazines. N just hanging out. as in sitting on my bed. Doing nothing. ABSOLUTELY nothing.

ABSOLUTELY. SUPERLY. Bored. To the corest of my core.

Gosh. During school, I so wanted a holiday. Now im goonna have such a looooong hol man. Til september. Before i decide where to further my studies. Im just stuck at home. Just listening to different music. These music, I am refering to my bros. My paps. N my Mom.

RNB, HIP HOP, RAP are my bros.

My paps? eRMM. Soul? Classic? Sometimes ROCK?

My mom? Forever PUNK ROCK. Or GOTH rock. Or all kinds of rock.

If any rock bands wanna hire a vocalist, My mom can be the one. Shes good. At screaming n shouting n nagging the whole day. Without destroying her voice box.

n I was just trying to be LAME.

Gosh. Life is beginning to get lamer by the day.

No, Im growing.

Fatter.

N fatter.

I think i gotta work out these fats. They dont look that good.

Think so?

Haiz. I am not sure of where to further my studies. I dont wanna go overseas. I mean.. I cant be far from my family or someone.. Hehehhe.

But hey. I donno. Rite now, Im just following the lead that Allah has for me. Coz I truly have this confidence that He knows what's best for me.

That's good. At least I dont have anything to worry about.

Hhaa.

n Ouh yar. Gotta change my blogskin. But haiz, nowadays. Ppl just stink if we use their blogskins. I mean in my opinion, they should be honoured. If there is someone using your blogskin, it is either urs is good, nice or has its own originality. Grow up, accept some feedbacks. That is how we improve our lives. Our talents n skills.

Im talking shit?

Thats coz im darn bored.

Ouh. The ROCK music is starting. Wow.
10:42 PM

Monday, November 05, 2007
Hey.. So long, since Ive updated my blog. No wonder fatin's clueless. Ishk3. Luckily ader email. Kalo tak.. Sumer pengsan sangking rindu nah.. Hahahah.



K currently im taking a short break from my so long-sitting-in-front of the comp til my neck aches. Hahah. Thinking of starting my MP report.. Kinda fun when u actually can finish doing ur project ASAP. Gives a lot of space n time on how to squeeze tonnes of info on juz one poster. Interestingly, this needs intelligent thinking, though it may seem so straightforward n very logical. But niwaez...



I wanna start my own online shop. In the process actually. Currently i have uploaded the sleeveless collection.. N erm ya.. Hope it goes well . coz if it does, then perhaps dad will support my idea of starting a whole shop in this region.. Insya Allah. Amin..



Do visit me yar :) at http://princess-paraline.blogspot.com/ Gotta warn though. Some of the pictures are soooooo annoying. They just woudnt stay at one positition though Ive edited til my body ache. Hhahah. Niwaez. More stock will be uploaded this week. So enjoy shopping. hoPE it runs well. N erm.. Mostly, the things are for girls/ladies/women.. Boys/men u r welcome.. Jus browse through. Who knows u might want to buy for ur girl... ;)

The prices set are according to the quality of the clothes. Not that i wanna say the better it is the more expensive. Actually no. I research on the type of fabric n decide on wat price to quote for each of the clothes. N i would say, I am very reasonable when it comes to pricing coz ive done business topics, I love shopping myself.. So i want sumtink that is of best quality n affordable.. So no worries ya! N niwaez i uploaded the pics in blog format, so feel free to write ur feedbacks.. Coz, business is something abt feedback n improvement. But seriously, no vulgar is allowed. Coz access will be denied automatically. Wkakaka..

Enjoy shopping evryone! (By the end of the week, it'll be full launching of Princess Paraline)!

mUAx!
2:54 PM

Thursday, October 11, 2007
Assalamualaikum to all my Muslim friends. Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri, Eid Mubarak. Alhamdulillah, fasting month passes by smoothly and well. May Allah blesses us with happiness and iman. Amin..

K. This year's hari raya will be so different from all the past years. Alhamdulillah God has present me with the most wonderful gift, and til now.. I dont know how to thank Him. I can only bersyukur..

Insya Allah, this year's raya will be more meriah.. and erm.. ya.

Guess Im growing older, and though im currently just working on an attachment.. It sorta open up my mind to the real working world.. Its like. U r no longer a kid. U r considered and treated like adults.. And the responsibilities are more.. So u r kinda trained to be more like an intelligent human. Hahaha. Nah.. Just that. Studying and working. They are so different lah...

I know working is tiring.. Physically. Studying is more of mental stuff.. and emotion wise.. I think working is not that stressful.. Just that the responsibility on our shoulders are more realistic. And really truly very REAL. Hhah..

Its 1am. Usually I would have gone to Lala land by 11pm.. But.. i had 2 days mc :( . One thing that i have always been worried of.. Im soo.. Weak? What i understand is my immune system is chapalang lah eh.. Very bad. Sikit jek saket. Mcm budak2. Sometimes, kids are stronger lahh. SO paiseh..

But if i look on the positive side. God still loves me! HEHEHEHEH. That will make me the happiest growing lady alive! Just by reminding oneself of such things will just make oneself's day....

I missh my dad. Missh my friends. Esp fatin. Yas. War. Wani. Nus. Faz. Kyn. Ain. And a whole bunch of them lah.. Mcm. Ramadhan ni sumer bz. If some can break fast together, others just couldnt make it.. Im so sory gurls for not breaking fast wit u guys.. So sad.. Pdhal skali kala jek kiter kua..

hOpe raya ni leh lah kiter jalan2. Senang skit. Hhehehe. But cumer leh muat 5 org... Unless u guys dont mind squeezing in a lil bit. Or 2 org can sit dlm boot. LOL. Boot aku ok2 pe. hahaha.

Since hari raya cuming. This year, my oven berhabok lah. No home-made kuihs.. No time lah. By the time balek dari Tuas, I would just roam about in the house like one zombie. Hhahaha.

And since im on MC, just now i washed my princess. Ouh my god. dier nye scratch tk hilang jub!! Kener repaint lah alamat nye.. And the duit minyak very the expensive. Ishk2.

Hhaha. Then i picked my mom from her work.. Masya Allah. I dont even know where her workplace is lah. So malu.. Not only that lah eh.. THe roads in Singapore til now im very slow to catch up.. So pening. So many expressways. And all seem to lead to the same places. Hhaha.

And so far.. I got lost in SINGAPORE niihhhhh 3 times ok. So not the vogue u know! LOL. When i thought back of my foolishness, it just made me laugh. Very funny.. If tak tau jalan pt maner2 ke ok jugak. Ni singapore leh sesat. Tak ke klakar. Bukan nye besau nah.. Hahahhaha. Very embarassing.....

Nevermind. Good for first timers lah eh...... Im still grasping pe.. Hhehee..

Ouh how i wish i can pick fatin up on friday. missh her hell alot seh... Jauh nah dier pegi.. Sekejap ngok muker dier pon tkpe lah.. hahha. Lepas kan rindu jap. hehe.

Ler dah ngantok plakx....

K lah. Got lotsa stuff to complete by tomolo.. I wanna relekz on friday. If can dont wanna do ani work. Izzit possible? Hhahaha...
12:51 AM

Sunday, September 30, 2007
saLam.

It's 8 in the morning. On a sunday. And i Just cannot sleep..

So here I am writing. To kill my utter boredom..

hOw's life? Ouh.. Apparently no comments. Coz im totally vacuumed with my life. And how did I handle it? By secretly crying and just sit and stay in my room like one depressed child. Ouh and how did I go through my days?

By smiling and laughing at work. Though nothing seems to be fine or funny. And by punching and kicking and stamping on my colleague's foot. Very bad it seems. But somehow, I felt good after I did that. Guess i have to stop lah eh.. Kesian ko jub. Dah lah tak sangker leh end up at the same working place, ni plak kener abuse ngan aku. ishk3.

Hahaha.

K stop it. Not that funny..

Mmm.. Life seems boring. I feel lah.. I mean luckily im having attachment right now.. sO it kinda saved me from a 100 percent boredom. At least there were things to do at work. Cool stuff. Guess being an assistant chemist is not that bad afterall. Hehehe. I loike it so much dat I hope i can get a job somewhere like that.

Oh ya.. thinking about getting a job.. Mmm. Where shall I go after I get my diploma??

Errrrrr... I am soooo not sure right now. Its like. Im hanging? God.. My parents have always been the one who will guide me all the way. But hey im 20 for goodness sake. Til when do I have to wait for my paps and mom to decide where i will end up to?

My future is mine to handle. God creates the path. I follow His lead. And insya-Allah to somewhere very good for myself. and my life...

K im starting to yawn..

Im not tired. Just.. Bored u know. Like u'll yawn if u have nothing else to do.. Human mechanism. Dont ask me how it works. If i explain, u wont be able to understand. Lol. THats why i cant be a darn good teacher. For goodness sake. My bros even dont want me to explain a simple math sum. Coz they say i would just make things more complicated. Haiz....

I guess thats why my life seems to be more complex.. Like there are so many turns and all of my expressways and highways or watever u call them, they are just blocked with complications.

Maybe thats why i cant think straight... As in my mind has been clouded by so many complex factors that even I myself cant hear what my mind says. Does this sound complicated?

Hahaha.. Kk.

This time. Fasting is alot easier than the past. And im glad i have completed a total of 12 days! Erm im a gurl. Dats why.

Hehehhehehe. So happy for myself. Good achievement.........! K lame lah eh. Org poser dah 18 days aku ketinggalan. Felt sad when I couldnt celeb for the first 4 days.. But hey. At least i dont faint or watever like i used to lah eh.. Ni lah kuaser Allah.. He's good.

K.. what should i do now?

Today will be a bz day for me. (Ahem im trying to psycho myself) So i would better get some rest. (Again trying to convince myself) Or else. Oh for goodness sake.

This is utterly lame.
7:59 AM

Monday, September 24, 2007
Salam.

Guess when someone is angry.. Anitink can happen. For me. Evrytink happened in a split second. And all i knew. I was crying as if there is no more tomorrow.

Its good to think abt death. Its encouraged. I mean ppl die one day. But.. Still cant believe how much a pain would cost.

This Ramadhan. Has been so.. I donno how to explain my feelings.. Its just that. I feel so mixed. n confused..

I didnt know whom I should turn to. Only God is my resort.. I dont wanna bother my fwenz with my stupid stories. N so i blogged. N little did i realise.. This is like an international blogger. Dont ever let ur emotions get control of u. If not u wont realise wat u've been writing.. For goodness sake. Some things are just meant to be kept private lah eh. Really sorry from the bottom of my heart to all the main characters.. I wasnt thinking that time.. I was too overwhelmed by such burden in my heart. THat... I donno. I felt lost for a moment...

Now that i came to my senses. Its time for me to. Know the truth abt my life. The people around me. And the people who claim they love me..

I am 20 years old. Years have passed. Alot of obstacles. Ups and downs. And yet. Still over the same matter.. I dont understand why i have such stupid big huge horrendous problems with guys, relationships. And friends.

I understand, it could be wit me, My character. My way of thinking. Maybe im just an ironis. Idiotic perhaps? iTS Always a little too late when i realised something..

And now. Im confused.. Why do i get treated in such a way when i believe that i am strong somehow inside me? If i werent strong, i wouldnt pull off such heavy matters in my past.. I would have died a long time ago.. I am still very much alive, til right now.. Why do people take me for granted? Especially those so close to me .. They know what i am like. They understand my split personalities. They understand them very well . And yet they just take it as though I have no heart. No feelings. As if I am made out of nothing..

IT confuses me more when those so very close to my heart did this to me.. I mean. I know i have been a tough kid. I grew up being rebellious, aggressive. All that. Were my past..

And cant someone who has such ugly past turn over a new leaf?

Is it wrong for me to CHange?

People just cant see.. They are blinded by my past. That their hearts are just dead. Stoned. To see the change in me. I feel it. I knew it. Its me.. But til now, only God knows.. HOw much i have sacrificed to see my loved ones breathe, happily now..

20 years.. I think even millions of buckets cannot weigh the amount of tears that i have shed.. The pain that my heart pondered upon.. The cruel things that my mind was fed with.

Those years which finally make me grow into a young lady.. Who is grasping at her roots, trying to sink deeper into her nature, her weaknesses and her strength, and when she knew what she was made of. She fears that people might know.. And wat she fears, came into reality..

Im weak. Im very vulnerable. Insecured. My family knows it.. They knew. D knew. And how hurtful it can be when he just turned away. He can take me for granted.. So can I.. I have the power over my life. Not anione else.. God knows when I will end up.. And all i know. God wants the best for evry of His creations.

So pure.. And yet i took it for granted. I scarred wit my sins. My past. I know. Even wit so much effort to start anew.. That lease of life,, i wouldnt get til afterlife.. I know i have to go through punishment after punishment for evry of my sins. And i have to prepare myself.. Only God knows. Im not afraid of what is to become of me.. But i am deeply afraid of my future...

It is gone before my very own eyes.
3:58 PM

Sunday, September 16, 2007
Assalamualaikum..

First thing first. Selamat menyambut bulan Ramadhan. Puaser jangan tk puaser. Semoga dlm bulan nih, kiter sumer dapat rahmat berkat petunjuk dari Yang Maha Esa, Allah s.w.t. pd jalan yg benar. Amin amin amin ya rabbala'lamin.

K dah. Hhehhhehehe.

Been bz n exhausted with life recently.. Not with life. But coz of work. My god.

Hikmah puaser lah eh. Keje pt tuas. Jauh yes. Very far.. One hour on train. and About 20 mins in bus towards Wyeth. Lucky us.. By the time we reach home. Azan berkumandang. A sign for breaking fast. THhahhehehehhe. All the exhaustion disappear immediately..

But. Tears fall. Coz I havent got the chance to menikmati my first few days of puasa... I donno. But i felt kinda sad..

Cant wait...

Niwaez..

Lotsa things happen. Juz before puasa starts. And i begin to realise that. Perhaps this is Allah's way of showing me to the right path. I mean.. Ya. He opened alot of hearts.. Alhamdulillah. Im glad..

I just doa that evrytink will be like this.. Forever. THen my life will be like sunshine. But.. u know. Life is empty when there are no obstacles.. It would be dull without difficulties, pain and sadness..

So.. Im kinda preparing myself for worst case scenarios nowadays.. Coz i dont wanna get hurt when its too late..

K. Back. To my story..hheheheheeh..

MMmmm..

Bulan yg penoh dengan rahmat. Insya allah Princess Nalia will travel around. Sooooonn. ehheheheheh.

And.. work is fine. A week has passed. Just tiring of coz.. We laughed quite alot. I learn more of Jufri's character. Not only him. But of my other collegues also. Before I started work, I was worried that i couldnt get along with my colleagues. So far alhamdulillah. There were chemistry btwn all of us! WHich is good. and quite unbelievable. Insya allah...

Heheheheh. Amin.

The food is marvelous at Wyeth. THe people there are friendly, and most importantly. Very helpful. Maklum lahhh. We all are new staff there so perhaps they pity seeing us struggle with new things.. and yeapz. Amin they helped us when we are in need of someone showing us the right way.

And erm.. ya.

Nothing much going on. Except that im quite worried that.. I cant reach my paps!

Where is he??? Masya Allah. My heart feels like its gonna stop beating if i donno my dad's whereabouts. Insya allah tkde pape. Lindungi lah papaku Ya allah. Amin.

mmm.

i hope next week i get my new member... then can go ard like nobody's business.......


cant wait..

salamz.
12:14 AM

Sunday, August 26, 2007
Salammmmmz.

:)

Exams. Checked, done and over with.

Love? Gone, cancelled from the list and dumped.

Life? Getting more than interesting every day...


Imagine.

You are beginning to pick up the puzzles of your life. And try to put them together. Without any guide. Any help. And you just try and think which puzzle suits with which, until you get the right picture.

That is what im doing now. With my life.

I cry. Evry night. My room rains with my tears.. Why?
Bcoz I regret. Regretted wasting all my time. Being with sumone, whom eventually just can appreciate me for who i am. For being there. For being myself.

Each time i meet a guy. The same old trauma. Phobia. Will come back and haunt me. Making me seem helpless. Weak.

And evrytime when I fight back, the pain just becomes worst. Terrible.

Im not sure til when can I actually get over with the past. That somehow, still haunts me.

Bad love. Bad experience. ANd that was my First.

My second. Went pretty bad as well. So sad. Very sad ending.

And I still feel like. If i have a gun wit me rite now. And if I only hav one bullet. I will just shoot right at his heart. But. God doesnt approve of Killers.

So.. If i have that one bullet. I will keep. For my own defense.

Mesti jekkkkk lelaki yg aku dpt buat prangai. Kalo tk drg buat, aku yg prangai. See. I believe that God has His own way of making His game.

And His game. Is for evryone's good.

Thats why....

Mmmm. Nice theory. Understandable. For me though. doNT Utterly care abt what ppl think lah. Lol.

k. eNUf of guys.

Back to my LIFE.

GOt results. Where I'll be posted to for my intership programme. At Wyeth Nutritionals!!

omG. i dREAmt of working for Wyeth and lo n behold, alhamdulillah I got it!!!

So HAPPy. buT erm the place. Woah. Tuas.. From one end to the other. Donno lah eh. Never have woken up so early. Besides during Ramadhan lah. Tu mestilah. Sahor wat.......

Lol cant imagine if i have to sleep by 10pm evry day for 5 months. and wake up at 5am evryday..
wOw.. If i have huge black circles... THen u'll know the cause lah eh. Lol.

Plus... Im aiming to lose weight. I really hope its possible.

Lol. Gained 10 kg. And lost 5 kg adi. Losing 5 more... coming soon lah.. iNsya Allah.
pLUS... Its gonna be Ramadhan soon. Making it easier than ever. I just love God more than ever. hahahhaha.

My dad came home. To celeb my bro's bdae .. in advance. A few hours spend with dad.. I missed him like hell.. I want him to be happy though.. He deserves it. After what he has done. To bring all of us. Here. Rite now. And with Allah's rahmat.. Alhamdulillah..

Welll.. I guess. For evryone. There is always a .. U know. the difficult parts of life....

oh weLL..

I guess..

I m getting sleepy..
LOve my dad. Miss him dearly. And IM closer to Mom.. Shes my best fwen now.. Though she still nags. bUt i realised. From what i went thru... It is just a way. That makes me love her more than ever. :)
12:31 AM